Dear Residents of 9 Hertford St,
It is with deep sympathy that we wish to inform you that we, the residents of 6 Hertford St have confiscated the basketball ring that was once a fixture in your front garden. It came to our attention, at 7am each morning that the fixture was a threat to the sanctuary as well as sanity of the surrounding neighbourhood. We understand that the ring may have provided your children with endless entertainment and physical stimulation and therefore suggest that they find a new hobby. Perhaps joining the rocking ropers - a local skipping troupe could be an option? Nonetheless, we do have a word of advice - DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE encourage your offspring to take interest in a musical instrument.
The Upper East Side Sisterhood.